My Week In Music: She Whined, “Where’s the Wine?”

I’ve been drinking a lot of wine lately. This is partly because the world is falling apart (on a micro and macro level), but mostly in anticipation of (read: in preparation for) my guest appearance in my friend Chris’s show, Chris Tries to Review Wine Live!, tomorrow. Because extensive pregaming practice makes perfect!

So, here are some great songs about wine. Well, really just songs that mention wine in a lyric or two, because hey, fun fact, there aren’t too many songs exclusively about wine. For shame, music industry. For shame.

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Happy Birthday, Sigmund

My parents both studied Psychology as undergraduates in the 1970s. When my mother told her father she was majoring in Psychology, he asked, “What are you going to do? Sell Psychology?” That anecdote has nothing to do with my point, but makes me smile. My point is that my parents both studied Psychology as undergraduates in the 1970s when Freudian analysis was the “it” mode of psychotherapy.

Flash-forward thirty-something years later when, at age sixteen, I was perusing the bookshelves in our basement and found their combined collection of $2 paperbacks of Freud’s works. I felt like Ariel in The Little Mermaid: “Look at this trove! Treasures untold!”

The timing was somewhat fortuitous because suddenly, Freud was everywhere. I was about to study Oedipus Rex in English class. When reading Federico García Lorca’s La Casa de Bernarda Alba in AP Spanish Literature, I struggled to adequately translate my thoughts, but was ultimately able to smugly announce that la caña de Bernarda es un símbolo fálico. One day in History, my teacher told one of the popular boys to stop playing with his lacrosse stick; I loudly offered, “Well, you know what Freud would say.”

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DSM Superheroes: The Nasty Narcissist

The Nasty Narcissist

Denver Ulysses Grump, Jr. grew up in an opulent mansion. His mother doted on him despite her intermittent substance abuse issues, frequently telling him he was the most precious thing in her life. His father, Denver Ulysses Grump, Sr., was an absentee oil tycoon who endlessly criticized Denver, most notably when he lost a grade-school spelling bee for misspelling “patriarchy.” Grump, Sr. was found dead in his office the day Denver graduated from high school. The death was ruled a suicide, but rumors abound. Denver lives in the penthouse on the top floor of a large high-rise so it is easier for him to look down at everyone else. Most of the walls in his apartment are mirrored. The rare bit of wall-space that doesn’t feature a mirror is used for various self-portraits.

Diagnostic Inspiration: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (DSM-5 301.81)

Gender: Male

Catchphrase: “Only I can fix it! Me! Not you, ME!”

Powers: Supreme exaggeration his own abilities, achievements, and talents. Social climbing. An unwarranted sense of entitlement. Inappropriately inflated self-image. Development of super strength and/or super verbal abuse when criticized or humiliated.

Weaknesses: Envious of others. Lack of empathy. Crippling fear of his deceased father. Places without mirrors.

Accessories: A fifty-foot portrait of himself that tells him he’s THE GREATEST OF THEM ALL. (Like the Evil Queen’s mirror in Snow White. Except it’s just giant picture of himself. That he sometimes caresses or kisses.) When he doesn’t have access to his portrait, he turns to his trusty gilded pocket mirror.

Likes: Mostly himself, but also people whom he perceives to be in positions of power.

Dislikes: Other people’s needs or feelings. Not receiving special treatment.

Romantic Interest(s): Masturbation, generally involving mirrors or images of himself.

Allies: The Nasty Narcissist has no allies, but will tolerate Substance Abuse Sally when he has use for her.

Rivals: Basically everyone. Unless they’re kissing his ass. But they go back to being rivals once he’s gotten everything he perceives he needs from them.